How to not Lose $1 Billion

Want to know how not to lose $1 Billion? Take your lead from Goldman Sachs and just don't report it. That's right. Show a profit of $1.8 Billion on paper because you changed your fiscal year from November to January and left out a $1 Billion loss in December.

Then go to all the news outlets and report your profit and leave out the gigantic loss on purpose. Also, tell taxpayers that you're going to pay back the $10 Billion they loaned you without mentioning the other $38 Billion in outstanding loans you have yet to, or possibly no intention of, paying back.

But even with that, keep giving yourselves bonuses and playing golf and going to spas. Because really it's business as usual and people will eventually get sick and tired of being outraged and everything will go back to normal and you can keep ripping people off like you used to.

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