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Aug
24
I think I mentioned previously that I tested our tap water against Poland Springs. The tests consists of eight areas of purity or contamination, as the case may be.
The results can be seen on the testing strips below. Which is which, Poland Springs or tap water is irrelevant. Which colors represent which particular chemical is also irrelevant. What is relevant is that the test results are identical.
So there you have it. I’m sure the battle isn’t over and our cat will continue to drink cooled spring water from some tap in Nestle’s basement, while the CEO rests his feet on a wad of Swiss Francs. Francs made from selling frigging water.
Aug
13
We Are Wicked Retarded
Filed Under Social Shitheadery | 2 Comments
There’s a guy that parks in the garage at work. He drives a Hummer. A bright yellow Hummer. He takes up two parking spaces. I call his Hummer “The Short Bus,” like those small buses from high school that picked up the “special” kids. I don’t call it that because I have something against “special” kids. I call it that because anyone that would drive a Hummer that gets two miles to a $4.00 gallon of gas is RETARDED. In fact anyone driving a hummer through a city street and not being shot at or hauling weapons and soldiers, is retarded.
People are once again offended for other people because of the term “retard,” and this is news. Ben Stiller’s movie, “Tropic Thunder” is the subject of this weeks controversy because the term “retard” is used in the movie. “If you want to pick on people, as the old playground saying goes, pick on people your own size, said Timothy Shriver, chairman of the Special Olympics,” the articles reads. Is he kidding? Everyone in that picture is over 300 pounds, or seven feet tall, and has super human strength.
I was listening to the radio this morning and some woman, who was very upset called in. She works with, as she calls them “intellectually challenged” people and wants to see them treated equally. I understand her completely. I also work with intellectually challenged people, and socially inept people, I drive the streets with the mentally challenged, deal with the emotionally crippled, and chemically challenged every day.
My dad had a cousin who was a bit slower, you know, mentally, uhm, not all there? Not quite as smart …special … you know “special”? Like he wasn’t like the other kids in an “occurring or developing later than desired or expected; delayed” sort of way, get it? The last part in quotes is the American Heritage Dictionary’s definition of “retarded.” I think he had Downs Syndrome, which used to be called Mongolism, until Mongolian hoards on horseback stormed the American Medical Association in protest.
Mental disability (which is a really broad term and one that could easily include me and many of my friends and family) was once called … gasp … “mental retardation” when referring to “special” people. A perfectly good term. No history of slavery, oppression, or same sex relationships. Though I have no proof of the latter.
One day a kid called another kid a “retard” for doing something stupid and the offense was born. In Boston (and the surrounding 100 mile radius) we called you “wicked retarded”. Hopefully I won’t get too many comments from mentally challenged witches. I do live in Salem after all.
Aug
12
Waaaaaaaaaah, those racist, bullfighting, Flamenco dancing, siesta taking Spaniards are the target of another American Holier than thou PC slam.
The Spanish basketball team posed for a magazine picture while pulling their eyes back to look Chinese. Take your pick of articles here.
The best part is people’s comments on this. Especially when you consider the Spanish sponsor is Chinese, nobody really gives a shit, and the Chinese have yet to comment. Leave it to American, overly PC shitheadery to be offended for everyone else. Maybe the Chinese basketball team will come out playing in black face. The Al Jolsen brigade as it were.
Aug
12
When we last left our hero, he had cancelled Poland Springs water through September. Today, according to their records, I’m getting a water delivery today. I guess their really cool on line ordering and modification interface doesn’t record when you cancel a delivery. What’s even more infuriating is that if you cancel more than three months, they’ll charge you any way. Maybe they figure they’re doing me a favor by bringing me water. The plants are parched? No it’s been friggin raining every day this month. The cat needs water? Nope, he drinks fresh spring water due to our abundant supply. Today we’ll be up to 45 gallons after today’s 15 gallon delivery.
To make matters make me want to punch myself in the face a little more, I bought a home water testing kit. Ten bucks at Home Depot and it tests for something like eight or nine areas of water awesomness. The results? Tune in next week when we look at the shocking video ……
Seriously …. Poland Springs and my tap water are identical. Identlically safe and tasty at least. Whether there’s a fly terd in mine I have no idea, but it is just as safe as their tap water.
Yes, I could cancel, but that’ll cost me $100, what I’m trying to understand is how a one year contract (and they tack on your cancelled to deliveries to the end of the contract) that I signed up for in 2007 is now, according to them, not ending until 2009.
Aug
1
The Walk Sign is Not an Order
Filed Under Social Shitheadery | 7 Comments
When I was a kid my brother and I looked both ways before crossing the street. If we didn’t my dad would smack us. If my dad wasn’t around to smack us, someone else would. That’s how we stayed alive. Random people smacking us when we did really stupid, potentially life ending things probably saved our lives.
